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For introverts, attention a conference tin experience exhausting. But if you avoid conferences — or only avoid talking to anyone while attending them — it tin can hurt your career and your business organization. The skillful news is that you don't have to become against the grain of your own personality to become value from conferences and other networking events. For some practical advice on the best means to handle conferences as an introvert, we turned to Susan Cain, author ofPlacidity: The Ability of Introverts in a World That Can't End Talking and co-founder of Tranquillity Revolution. An edited version of our chat follows.

HBR: What'south your advice for introverts who dread attending conferences at all?

Cain: When people think of attending a briefing, they imagine three days of endless small talk, which is most people'southward idea of hell — extroverts included. There's so much pressure to brand the nigh of information technology, and to meet as many new people equally you tin. But that's not for everybody. Almost people — introverts and extroverts, included — demand time to recharge in their hotel rooms, but many of us don't experience comfortable doing that. If nosotros were more willing to get to a conference feeling entitled to accept the recharge breaks we need, the entire experience would be more than comfortable.

What criteria should introverts use to decide which conferences to attend, to brand sure it's worth the time and endeavor?

The key is to attend conferences where yous're genuinely interested in the fabric. That way, you're more than likely to experience engaged, and to have something to talk about with other attendees.

What are the most high-value/low-bear on activities for introverts at a conference? For example, can you only go to the keynotes and skip the run across-and-greets?

That's a very personal question. Some people are at their best in the morning and might be amend at a breakfast. Some people are better in the evening over a glass of vino. And then, know yourself and laurels that. Experience entitled to exist who you lot are and not accommodate to some ideal of what a conference attendee is supposed to be and practise.

Further Reading

Yous've written previously  that the trouble most introverts have with "networking" is nottalking to strangers just rathermaking small talk with strangers — a subtle only crucial deviation. Can y'all explicate?

For many introverts, if they experience that they've met somebody whose company they truly bask and they've managed to land on a topic of mutual interest, they'll be very happy to chat. In fact, Carl Jung described introverts every bit "relaxing into extroversion" when they're in those moments. So the real consequence becomes: how do you go to that moment? You often have to wade through a lot of modest talk first!

And hither'south where introverts tin actually brand the near of their personalities. Many introverts are highly curious, and have a smashing honey of learning. For every person you run across, tap into that character strength and recollect: "There's something interesting about everyone. What can I larn from this conversation? What can I give? What am I curious near in terms of what makes this person tick?" Inquire interesting questions that tap into your intrinsic love of learning.

I would advise making a deal with yourself that your goal is to meet some prescribed number of people who are kindred spirits — people you enjoyed meeting. When yous've reached that number, you get to go back to your hotel room and watch a motion picture in your pajamas.

How do you break the ice with complete strangers in a manner that feels authentic and natural?

Go in armed with a few chat-starting questions. Maybe they relate to the content of the speech y'all just heard, or to something more than personal. Think near what those questions are in advance so that you're non trying to think them upward on the spot.

Also, one thing people may non realize — especially introverts — is that information technology's so much easier to attend a briefing if you're i of the speakers, because everyone's heard your talk, and at present you immediately have something to talk virtually with anybody in the room. They already know you. You can even take on a small role like moderating a console where yous don't accept to have the answers; you just have to inquire the questions. Or, you tin be the person who introduces in one case of the speakers, just reading a bio.

Of course, this isn't possible for every conference you attend. Merely, you lot're probably simply going to attend a few conferences a year, so recall strategically about ones where you can play an agile role, go out of your comfort zone, and ultimately make your networking much easier. You'll go so much more bang for your cadet this manner.

And for people who are relatively junior in their careers, it'southward one of the all-time ways to indicate to supervisors that you lot're progressing. Permit your director know that you're looking for these kinds of opportunities to present, and strategize with a trusted mentor well-nigh where you might be able to do that.

What if the prospect of public speaking fills you with horror?

There are a few things that can help. First, know that yous're not alone – millions of people feel the same way. But it'southward worth figuring out how to overcome the fear, considering it'southward going to come up upwardly again and once more in your career. Enroll in a program like Toastmasters and so you become more accustomed to the feeling of speaking.

This advice isn't for everyone — accept it when you lot're ready. But, I give information technology from personal feel. I used to dread speaking myself. Simply, I now nourish so many conferences and have found that the networking aspects are a one thousand times more interesting and easier than they used to be when I've been a speaker, considering there's non and so much small talk anymore — we tin simply dive right in to more interesting things.

Conferences can too exist pretty draining for extroverts, who thrive on all the social interaction. How do y'all decide on an appropriate limit to your schedule? And when you've had plenty, how do you elegantly say no to farther interactions?

Most people don't detect or mind if you just say: "I'chiliad going to turn in — can't expect to see you tomorrow." Make a graceful exit, and that'due south that. If you know that you are going to allow yourself to get out early, information technology'due south a lot easier to be fully present and engaged for the fourth dimension that you're there. You're actually doing the other person (and everyone around you) a favor by being willing to grant yourself permission to leave early on. I have a friend who acceptsevery invitation, toevery wedding, andevery child'due south altogether party. She ever says yes to everything and she always leaves early. No i minds. I don't call back anyone else is even enlightened of it. Information technology'southward perfectly fine, and it'south no big deal. And because she does that, she really shows up for people.

That's a cracking style to avert what some people accept termed the "introvert guilt" they feel when bowing out.

That's right. Yous don't demand to feel guilty well-nigh bowing out of anything. But ask yourself in advance: "What will success look like for this conference or event?" Does it hateful you met some specific people that you really wanted to meet? That you've made ten new connections? Set your goal. Otherwise, y'all could spend the entire evening circling a networking effect and so go dwelling house feeling both tired and like you lot didn't become anywhere. Be purposeful, and when you know y'all've reached your goal, get home and relax guilt-free.